There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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