I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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