During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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