She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
