Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
