her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
