I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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