Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
