I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
