I am in a vortex of obligation.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
