she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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