i may or may not be watching the land before time
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
