Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
