She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
