What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You were trust falling into bushes
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize