Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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