At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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