You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
