your room smells of hookers.
And success
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
