I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
