OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
