So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
