i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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