god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
