he shaved USA in his pubs
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
