Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You need a sexual gate keeper
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
