Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
