It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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