I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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