'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
