How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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