Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
