I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
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