How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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