hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
