Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
