Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
