Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
