you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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