I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
