doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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