you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
