Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Randomize
