no you cant smoke seaweed
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize