Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
