Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
