I wannas sexs uuuuu
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
