im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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