He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize