What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
