i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
