I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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