just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
