Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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