i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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