it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
