Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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