i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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