if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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