She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Randomize
