I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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