Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
