I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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