listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
