Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
