I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I still have a little drunk in my system
Someone stole a lamp last night.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
