did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
