I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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