i barfeds in our rink
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize