If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
