Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
