Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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