Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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