In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
