why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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